


When Will You Take my Hand?

by gans24



Category: my hero - Fandom, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Explicit Language, M/M, Mentioned Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Mild Blood, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-24 12:31:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20358553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gans24/pseuds/gans24
Summary: Katsuki has already long figured out just how biased the world could be and that it was never in his favor. He was never going to be the light in the world, the moral compass, the symbol of hope or whatever.And although the thought did give him heartburn- it didn’t exactly surprise him. If he was honest the only real reason he even cared at all that he would never be those things is that the one person he had been trying to beat all his life is the very personification of them.





	1. A Hero's Struggle

**Author's Note:**

> Wow thank you all for deciding to read! Although this is not my first time writing this is my first and most exciting delve into fanfiction. I already have the second chapter written but we will see how this first chapter is received! Since I am new to being an author on ao3 this is not beta'd and I'm not really sure on how to go about getting one.  
All I can say is that comments are much appreciated ! It would really encourage me!  
Let me know if you guys are ready for chapter two!

The definition of a hero is both a simple and straightforward affair and an incredibly complicated annoyance because if you ask any one person they will most likely give you a different answer- And mostly they are all acceptable answers, perfectly ingested by interviewers and readers all over. Except, apparently if it’s Katsuki’s answer.

Katsuki has already long figured out just how biased the world could be and that it was never in his favor. He was never going to be the light in the world, the moral compass, the symbol of hope or whatever. And although the thought did give him heartburn and a stomach ache that felt like the pits of hell had been dropped inside and were banging on his stomach lining- it didn’t exactly surprise him. If he was honest the only real reason he even cared at all that he would never be those things is because he knows that the one person he had been trying to beat all his life is the very personification of them.

Gulping down the last of his smoothie in one angry push of greens and mango he forced the chunks down and purposely didn’t wince as it slid down his throat at a glacier's pace. Katsuki did scowl though, as he took a few calming breaths that were now fortunately instinctive whenever he got too worked up. By some sickening twist of fate, the reason that he was a much more calm and mature version of himself stems from the very object of his ire. Because there was only so many times that he could raise his blood pressure to the point of veins popping before his manager decided that he needed some professional help. Help that he only took because of her excellently executed words that somehow framed this help as his ticket to being the Number One Pro Hero of the next generation. Katsuki could admit now that as naive and easily manipulated as he was it worked out for the better. He was now amongst the Top Ten Heroes after five years of hard work and determination. As the only one in his graduating class to be a part of the top ten he was willing to grab his manager and actually give her a hug for giving him the foot in his ass he needed to realize that he needed to work on himself before he could even think of beating others.

Which did, unfortunately, bring him back to the reason why his temples were pounding so hard first thing in the morning. The public was very…wishy-washy with him. Some respected his honesty and his goal of absolute success in everything he wanted…and some thought he was an asshole. He wondered, not for the first time, why he couldn’t be both. He knows he is for sure, but where does it say anywhere that he can’t want to win, be a hero and not give two shits about people’s dweeby feelings? And it’s not like he doesn’t understand that being a hero is about saving people too, he learned that lesson from All Might as he spoke on many occasions to him about it. And he learned it from Deku too, through his action’s, through his unrelenting goodness that seeped out of him like oil from skin. 

Katsuki laced up his boots on autopilot, his motions slowed, and eyes glazed over. He hated feeling like this, it made him feel weak and defensive. He was an animal and the poachers were closing in on him from every side and it was only a matter of time before he bit someone’s hand off.

As if Katsuki accidentally sent her a mental image of his thoughts Haruka’s ring tone blared from the depths of his pocket and the vibration against his leg traveled up him and to his heart. He dug the phone out angrily and tried not to let his anxiety fill his voice.

“What.” He spat out, and then remembered who he was talking to, “Yea?”, he tried again and tried to unclench his jaw.

“Katsuki, morning. You have a meeting today at two-thirty, please don’t forget and remember to change into the outfit we bought last time. I left in in the big white bag inside your closet, left side.” She said primly and professional as always.

“Yea, yea, I know. I got it.” He said and then got up to actually get it and he hopes she doesn’t hear him doing just that.

“Ill meet you there, I have some other things to finish before then. But try to relax okay? I need you to be ready for any question they might ask you. And that includes questions about him, got it?” She said sternly, and he nodded his head dumbly, still off on his own mind. But then he pictures Deku’s stupid furrowed brows, jaw set and voice full of steel as he looked straight into the camera as if it was Katsuki himself and said, “Kacchan can have the number ten spot! Because I’m coming for number one!”.

Katsuki’s teeth ached with the force of his grinding as he thought back to it. He had been in the lobby of his agency with Kirishima and Haruka and some of the other workers when the reporter had announced that Pro Hero Deku had given his response when asked what he thought of his fellow pro hero Ground Zero breaking through the ranks to the number ten spot. Katsuki had felt a weird lurch in the smack center of his belly then- as soon as stupid Deku said that stupid nickname without thinking and then the little shit had smirked. The left side of his mouth twitched up at the end of his spiel like he was personally taunting Katsuki in his own little way. Then of course he was asked just what his definition of a hero was and he began spouting some shit about saving innocent lives and everyone deserves to feel happy and safe and he was the one that they could rely on for that. Which-he’s not wrong, people trust him. It must be the freckles, he thought with an angry huff.

No one had liked Katsuki’s answer, no one had thought he was endearing when he answered a week before, a simple, “To win.” , He had been called callous , and superficial and more villain than hero-like. Which had cut into him like a rusted spoon when he heard the whole public debate. Although Haruka had told him to mute all social media platforms until she gave him the green light he couldn’t help but watch the news and stew in his own bitterness. Because these people knew nothing about him, they knew nothing about what his image of wining was and therefore couldn’t accurately assess what that meant about his character.

“Katsuki you know they’re going to ask about what you think about Deku jumping from number thirty to number thirteen in such a short amount of time right?” Haruka sounded like she was trying to coax a baby to talk and he felt a flash of hot searing anger at everyone and everything.

“I fucking know that. You’ve told me. Multiple times.” Katsuki grits out.

“And? What did we discuss would be your answer?”

Katsuki took a heaving breath, held it for three seconds and let it out in a whoosh. He did it one more time and then let his breathing slow to a normal and steady pace. “Congratulation to Pro Hero Deku.” He labored out and then bit the inside of his cheek because he was quickly becoming an overemotional and heated mess. He was so so so rage filled and had been since he saw that stupid headline and that stupid interview and it threatened to all explode out of him at any moment. But not in front of Haruka, not where she could see and give him that clipped tone of disappointment and pity like he was a child she had to pick up his mess of spilt cheerios he kept tossing to the ground for the hundredth time.

“Good.” She said, actually sounding pleased and then after a moment, “You know, it’s actually more than he offered for you after hearing you ranked higher. It’s almost annoying how people still berate you for every answer you give, and he can skip over congratulations just to challenge you and everyone cheers.” She says dryly in her soft voice she gets when she shares something with him that is closer to friendly talk then work talk.

Katsuki snorts and shakes his head because she’s right and it get’s him so mad, he had constructed whole bullet pointed presentation in his head about how unfair the treatment is between him and Deku from the public as far as public speaking goes but all he says is, “Everyone thinks the sun shines out of his ass but he’s a little shit.” Because he’s actually kind of exhausting himself with this whole thing. He wants to be number one so bad, and it’s scaring him how close Deku is to stealing it from under his nose. Because Katsuki is strong and determined and smart and he always knew he could beat Deku but now Deku is all of those things too- maybe he always has been but Katsuki can only hold onto his advantage of an early quirk start for so long before Deku catches up to him.

In fact, Katsuki is probably only higher ranking than him because of luck, his sheer ability to be in the right place in the right time. He was able to take down two big time villains within the past two years simply because it was in his jurisdiction. His fist’s clenched and sizzled as she thought about how close Deku is to taking what little he has to be proud of away from him.

“Mm”, Haruka grunts, she sounds like she’s shuffling some paper’s and Katsuki is still stewing in his own quiet rage on the other end of the line. “Then again…” She say’s uncharacteristically aloof and chatty. “He did spend a whole five minutes of his Kanna Hail interview a week prior talking about how, “Ground Zero is amazing!”, before she had to switch topics for him.” Haruka chuckled into the phone and Katsuki chewed on his lip as he tried to remember.

“What an idiot.” He murmured as he rolled his eyes and got up from his couch to leave his house. He shook his head for good measure at Deku’s ridiculous nerdiness. “He’s always been a nerd.” He says a little more fondly than he’s comfortable than allowing Haruka to hear.

“Ah”, she breathes out like she remembered something important. “He called you Kacchan in his last interview. It was live, so they may ask you about that too.”

Katsuki took his time pushing the key into the doorknob and twisting. He readjusted his grip on his phone and shoved the keys back in his pocket and switched the plastic nag to his other hand before he figured out what to say.

“Yea.” He decided with.

Haruka made a rude clicking sound with her tongue and harshly spat out her next words. “It’s unprofessional. You need to talk to him about it.” She said with finality.

Katsuki’s palms itched then, his heart speeding up a little. What was he supposed to say to him? Telling him to stop calling him Kaachan would be weirder than if he just left it alone. And besides he didn’t do it all the time. Just when he forgot himself in the passion of his words, when he got excited about something. Most of the time he calls him by his hero name while in front of the public. So it’s not like he needed to tell him anything.

“It was an accident.” He reasons and rubs his temples with his free hands, he wipes the lingering sweat from his cheek that’s mashed against his phone and waits patiently for Haruka’s lecture. He’s almost at the Agency anyways and then he has an excuse to hang up on her.

“No one else has made that mistake from your little group.” She counters.

Katsuki almost defends him, almost points out that he has an advantage because he gets to call him Deku no matter what because it’s the name he gave him and the name he chooses to go by as a hero. He catches himself at the last minute and mutters curses under his breath.

“I'll let him know. Leave me the fuck alone until I see you.” He says as he opens the door of the agency. He slams his thumb on the end call icon as fast as he can to avoid whatever Haruka was going to say and only feels a little uncomfortable that he stood up to her. He’s been on his best behavior lately and he can almost feel his old habits of fire fiery and mayhem creep up in him like it’s trying to convince him it’s a reward for him being so nice lately.

But just as quickly it’s dampened by an icy feeling in his veins when he thinks of actually confronting Deku about his slip of the tongue. He’s not scared or anything. But…he hasn’t actually really talked to Deku for a long time. They mostly make very public taunts and declarations that ere on the side of a friendly rivalry than actual friends. He has settled for occasionally hearing Deku say his name while being stopped by people after he’s rescued someone, cut up and bleeding and smiling brightly despite his heavy breathing, or on interviews that he probably enjoys as much as Katsuki hates. And even more rarely at group gatherings that he’s dragged into by Kirishima and strangely enough Iida as he gets text after text about times and places and he barely has enough time to decide how much he doesn’t want to go before he gets a startling text from Iida that says nothing more than See you soon! And then a banging on his door by Kirishima before he’s out the door and a little sick to his stomach at seeing everyone at the same time after so long.

He tries not to feel sorry for himself, but he’s still not number one. And Deku is still annoying and getting stronger by the day and it feels like some weird crackling tension of hatred anytime he has to see him in such a soft and sociable setting. Like Katsuki shouldn’t be in a situation where his literal nemesis is sitting across from him drinking companionably with his friends.

Katsuki always gets a god awful twist of his gut and wants to throw up every time Deku looks up at him when he walks in a room, he bites his lip tight and gives him a small shy smile like he didn’t talk all that shit about beating him. And as always Katsuki scowls at him more than he means to, but with Haruka and the three principals of healthy Chi in mind he manages to bring an awkward hand up to curl in the air and hang there as a clear hello to Deku, and then after a moment he looks around and stretches his hand out a little further because there is more than just Deku here. Then Katsuki usually scowls some more after hearing everyone yelling in garbled and nonsensical sentences their greeting that he can’t discern and then takes his seat wherever is free and proceeds to actually quietly enjoy himself and chat with whoever he’s talking to. Sometimes it’s Iida- who’s weirdly nice and friendly now, almost making Katsuki smile some of the times. A few times it’s Mina and more often than not it’s Kirishima but he’s also gotten into a really heated debate with Ochako about brownie recipes one time.

As Katsuki gets his patrol lists for the week he goes to suit up in the locker rooms and carefully puts his bag of folded clothes in his locker at the very bottom and starts to maneuver his costume on and secure everything properly. He readjusts the front of his hero costume because even after all his more sleek and modern upgrades for some reason they still made the orange X on the middle of his chest absurdly low and itchy. He’s filled out a little since the last time he got a new one made and he feels proud and annoyed that it sits just a little too snugly against his chest and shoulders.

Katsuki’s phone buzzes in his pocket and when he pulls it out he frowns with is whole entire face. Haruka’s message just says, _Change of plans. Wear your hero costume to the interview_. Katsuki makes an affronted noise but decides not to question it. Haruka always has a reason and she’s usually right. It’s basically what he pays her for. Besides he feels more comfortable wearing his gear, more confident and assured of his goals, therefore, his answers are usually not ones he regrets when he has the heavy weight of his gauntlets on his shoulder’s that slide down to his wrists and the sturdy X on his chest.

He won't back down, he will make sure everyone knows just how reliable he can be. He’s worked so hard for this. He has trained his body every day since middle school and worked on controlling his quirk to manipulate so perfectly to do exactly what he wants it to since he first developed it. He has been endlessly attending appointments to help his temperament and prepared extensive plans with Haruka on how to move forward with his goals. He researches and studies every single piece of information the Agency gives him about the safest and most efficient ways to save as many people as he can while minimizing damages, especially since his quirk has more been considered for fight power and nothing else. His quirk is for whatever the fuck Katsuki will see it fit to use it for. He learned how to use its propulsions as boosts to fly in a direction he wants, and he’s tamed his explosions for precision attacks on specific people in a group with minimal fire back onto bystanders. Katsuki has made an almost laser-like shoot of an explosion from one fingertip to hit Kirishima straight in the nipple and has been working on how he can use that in battle every since.

Katsuki takes his quirk and makes it his bitch daily and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let his tied tongue and potty mouth be the reason he doesn’t get to the top. He’ll take fucking speaking classes if he absolutely has to. He deserves this more than anyone and it’s about time he gets out of this funk he’s been in for the past few days and start to do something about this horrible weak feeling that’s been clawing at his chest.

Katsuki finishes suiting up and then storms out of the building like a wild man on a mission. After about half an hour of hulking around his designated patrol area and probably scaring the shit out of civilians walking by he starts to realize that the set of his heavy eyebrows needs to let up or he’s going to give himself a headache. He mourns the loss of his young assets, like how he used to be able to scowl the entire day without so much a twinge to his temple. Now if he frowns too long his forehead starts to throb and his jaw aches. After a minute or two of working the muscle in his jaw with a thumb, he slows his steps as well, tries to hone in his senses and be more alert. He swallows down a tired sigh as his anxiety picks up from earlier, In an hour he’s going to have to be the Hero that everyone wants him to be but not the one he has every accounted for. This isn’t what he pictured as a kid. Press meetings and interviews and…the exact opposite of kicking ass. And god, he has to try to be polite to Deku in front of people who have camera’s that will show all of Japan.

Although Katsuki knows he has grown he also knows that whenever he goes to those stupid friend gatherings he has never, even once sat next to Deku. Has never talked to him like he finds himself talking with the rest of the class. Has never even looked his way even when the burning of Deku’s gaze scorches the side of his face or back of his head like it’s a megawatt flashlight. You’d think Katsuki would be used to it, after all these years. Deku’s creepy staring, and mumbling. But something about it now has him fidgeting in his seat, has him squirming and readjusting his collar and taking awkward sips of his drink over and over so he doesn’t have to do anything or say anything about the way Deku is obviously staring at him. It doesn’t feel like he’s trying to get his attention but somehow it’s more… purposeful...than it was in high school. He was always a twitchy and airy kid in class as a mumbled incoherent ramblings in Katsuki’s direction. But now-now he stared, mouth closed and relaxed like he had nothing to say but the way his eyes would droop and glaze over absently like he was thinking a million and one things showed A sense of maturity. He didn’t have to voice his thoughts as much now. Or he had enough control not to. But apparently not enough control to not stare at every opportunity

Katsuki didn’t know what to make of it, didn’t know if he wanted to make anything of it at all or if he should just write it off as Deku being the same freak he always has been. He eventually decided, after looking around the room trying to see if anyone notices how Deku hadn’t said anything in the last twenty minutes or moved his eyes from Katsuki’s back- that he should just leave it be because he might just be too amped up on rivalry and the overconfidence. As he usually tended to do when Deku was involved. He might not even really be looking at Katsuki, probably lost in his own thoughts and Katsuki’s profile was a familiar wall to bounce his thoughts off of.

The thought settled him a little and his shoulders slouched back. They perk up a minute later though when he heard a scream, high pitched and outraged in a parking lot to the right side of him.

“Hey, Asshole! Give. It. Back!” A stern sounding woman grunted. The sound of a struggle made Katsuki’s eyes widen and instead of running he opened his palm’s wide and flicked out both wrist to the side and then down hard to kickstart two huge blasts from his sleeked down gauntlets that framed his arms and shoulders. As soon as he realized that whoever this woman was actually fighting her probably mugger Katsuki felt the familiar feeling of his beating heart as excitement raced through him and he landed beside the fighting pair next to a light pole.

“Yea, Asshole.” Katsuki grinned maniacally as he caught the eyes of some creep that was pretty hefty for a petty purse snatcher. His eyes flicked nervously to Katsuki and then back to the woman. He let go so fast that the chick lurched backward from her earlier struggle and Katsuki shot out an arm for her to fall back on and wouldn’t smash her skull into the gritty pavement. She shot him a grateful if not still annoyed look and stood back on her own. Katsuki gave her a smirk because she didn’t look afraid at all, she looked pissed as hell.

“Stay here lightbulb!” He shouted at the bald shiny head man as he tried to step back. He froze in his steps back and glared at Katsuki like Katsuki had slapped this guys mother and called her a whore. He was only a little confused by the hatred he saw radiating those eyes.

“Hey scumbag! Get a job and get your own shit!” The lady yelled and Katsuki honest to god-laughed. Just one big punched out one before he could stop it and it seemed to set lightbulbs entire being on fire with rage.

“Ground Zero huh. You-You’re almost a villain yourself you know.” He mutters. “You never know what you’d do when forced into a situation.”

“Hah?” Katsuki says and decides he doesn’t give a shit and steps forward to arrest this piece of shit. He talks into his comm on his wrist. “Petty bullshit villain caught in the parking lot at the corner of eight and hambe.” He looks at the villain, he’s just standing there as he gets progressively more red and enraged and Katsuki still has no clue what this guy keeps muttering about but he’s learned enough now that he knows it’s just better for every one of the police come and arrest this guy on the scene, he gives his statements and then gets back to his patrol. “Send a police pick up.” He says and after glances back at the woman who definitely does not need any medical assistance he adds, “and a medic.” Because last time he thought that the civilian was just being a big ass baby and he didn’t call for one he was left with a write up and a lecture from the agency head after the fucking sniveling guy had had a wailing panic attack that neither Katsuki or the police were really equipped to handle.

The woman gives him narrow eyed look but doesn’t say anything. She just gives a jerk of her head and a disgusted look back at the petty theft in front of her. He’s still mumbling like some crazed out broken version of middle school Deku and the lady takes a cautious step back, seemingly warier now than she had been before Katsuki even came to her rescue.

“People like you don’t even deserve to be heroes. You’re just scum, scum like me. Like all of us and you have no idea what I’ve been through. You can’t judge me, you don’t know me or my circumstances. I was forced to do this, I’m not a bad guy I’m a good guy a better guy than you. You and this stupid bitch don’t know what coming to ya…” He trails off in a rush and then his pupils shrink back and his beady twitchy eyes lock with Katsuki’s in an alarming way.

Katsuki has about just a second to grab the lady by the back of her shirt and drag her behind him and as far away from the villain as he can get her before lightbulb reaches for Katsuki with his sweaty, meaty hands. Katsuki makes a medium-sized explosion and aims it at the man's chest. The guys rears back and clutches himself in pain. Katsuki doesn’t want to kill him or even injure him too much but this guy is really pushing it.

“Hah! You! Ground Zero! Will Never be A true Hero. I know the truth! The truth is you're just like me! You all are! You would do the same thing in my position!” He shouts with tears in his eyes.

Katsuki raises his hand warningly. “Whatever baldy, I really don’t give a shit. Stand back before I blow your brain to bits.”

The man flinches back and Katsuki grins, he doesn’t even know why this man is trying to fight him at all.

As soon as the man sees the victory in Katsuki’s face he makes a noise likes he’s dying like he’s never once got what he wanted in life and the last thread of sanity is broken. His nose drips not and his eyes are red and teary. His mouth is bared in a strange contrast and both his hands stretch towards Katsuki like a child wanting to be held. Katsuki explodes another medium blast at the guy's chest. But this time, to Katsuki’s surprise it doesn’t phase him, doesn’t even look like it hurt even though his shirt is singed and he can’t see burnt skin peeking through the ripped black cloth.

“What the hell.” Katsuki mutter’s even as he’s able to slow the guy down with another blast, this one bigger and very hesitant on Katsuki’s part. Because he could kill this guy, this guy is dangerously close to dying and it’s not like Katsuki wants to kill him but he’s really forcing his hand here.

Light bulbs step falters but his eyes never once waver, he still seems like he hasn’t noticed his skin is on fucking fire and his nails are stretching long, long, long, and it takes Katsuki a while to realize it because he wasn't looking at his fucking fingernails he was looking at his bloodied skin that Katsuki was forced to make in the middle of his chest and the crazed look in his eyes as he muttered something about “Not fair, not fair, not fair.”

Katsuki makes a low grunt as the guys absurdly long fingernails reaches until they dig into the flesh of his shoulders and tear at it until they get to the bit of his costume and grab a hold of the slim fabric on his shoulder. Blood immediately starts to run down his arms and he grits his teeth to hide any more noises.

Lightbulb pulls and the tank-like material of his shirt rips away, leaving a portion of his chest and side bear. Instead of blasting this baldy into space Katsuki steps forward and grabs the guy's wrist’s and bring them a little down and then rears them both back up hard and fast and they both snap upwards and the bones sound a lot like a snapping of a twig under a boot. The man screams and screams, and his eyes get noticeably less homicidal and he actually counts it as a win that the guy seems to register pain now. Katsuki inspects the wrists to makes sure he only broke bone and not anything vital, doesn’t want to bastard bleeding out before anyone gets here.

“Woah, oh my god.” The woman whisper’s from behind him and he winces a little. Fuck, Haruka is gonna be so mad.

He’s relieved when two police get out of a blaring car and walk towards him. They give him worried looks and look unsure about talking the criminal away from him. He bares his teeth at both of them and shoves the still crying man forward as the medics come rushing in behind them.

“Baldy bastard needs a medic. Watch it, he has some gross nail lengthening quirk.” He says grumpily and frowns at the young medic who immediately tried to clean his wounds.

“Ah, sir, you’re bleeding a lot!” She shouts in alarm.

Katsuki grinds his teeth and grabs the little duffle bag she has slung over her shoulder. He looks at the other medic and jerks his chin to lightbulb. “Just take care of him.” He says to the now quietly sobbing man as he makes his way to the hood of a police car to lean against as he takes the supplies out of the bag so he can clean himself up a little.

“Ground Zero!” The civilian he saved ran over to him with wide eyes. “You got really torn up! Sorry, I really should have warned you.” She said strangely and Katsuki snap’s his eyes back to her. Now that he’s actually looking he sees that the flowing material of her shirt is swaying a little to much as it hangs from her shoulder. The material is torn and her purse also has crazy deep scratches were the faux leather was dug out as lightbulb presumedly tried to grab it.

Katsuki stand’s up fast and grab’s her arm as gently as he can in the mood he’s in. She falls into his side easily and he picks up the arm with the torn material. He turns it this way and that and inspects it for any injuries.

“Oh, uh, I’m fine. He didn’t even get my skin.” She tells him and looks at the ground. She can’t see him but he nods and says, “Good.”. He steps back and begins to tear the sanitary wipe packets with his teeth.

“T-thank you. By the way. I have so many important things in this purse. All of my work booklets, and my new phone! That could’ve been really bad. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten those numbers back!” She stutters nervously but she looks at him in the eyes again.

Katsuki just grunts and bites down on plastic and paper as the swipe of the antiseptic stings.

“Here- can I?” She asks and doesn’t wait for his response before taking the wipes away from him and gently wiping away the blood from his arms and then going back with a brand new one to press a little deeper into the cuts.

Katsuki appreciates her thoroughness and lets her continue as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He dials Haruka and she picks up immediately.

“Hey are you on your way?” She asks, she doesn’t sound harried but she does sound suspicious.

“No.”, He grunts as the lady digs a little too hard.

“Oh, sorry.” She says and smiles at him apologetically.

Katsuki glares at her but looks away at Haruka’s dangerous sounding. “What.”

“I’m going to run a little late. A stupid petty villain…” He trailed off, he hated saying it, but it was true and Haruka would find out soon anyway. “He- scratched me up a little. I’m cleaning up, it shouldn’t take too long.” He says in his trained voice, doing his best to soothe her frazzled nerves. She hates when Katsuki is late and she has to deal with the rabid fans and even worse, the people with tiny notebooks and microphones.

“What do you mean scratched up? How bad? Should I cancel?” She rattled off.

“No. I just fucking said it wouldn’t take long. I should be there soon.” He growled out at her and then slapped the woman’s hands away when they were doing nothing but holding his bicep in her soft grasp.

“Ow!” she frowned at him but removed her hands.

“Who was that? Should I go over there?”

“God no! Calm the fuck down! I’ll go to the stupid fucking interview just stall them for a little while. I’m only a block or two away.” He said, then looked down at himself and bit his lip. “But…uh…my costume is a little…”

“Ravaged.” The chick whispers as if she was talking to herself. She has a far off look in her eye as she stared at the gaping hole in the fabric at his side.

“Ravaged?!” Haruka shouted in alarm and Katsuki nearly crushed his phone. He grabbed the lady’s face in one hand and pushed his open palm against her head forcefully.

“Leave.” He told her and she grabbed his wrist and started slapping at it all the while cursing at him in the foulest language he’s heard from a mouth that wasn’t his.

“Katsuki!” Haruka shouted again.

“Not ravaged. It’s just a chunk of the side fabric and a small bit of my X.” He frowned down at himself as he released the lady and stepped back to check himself over again. He didn’t think it looked too bad. Heroes have been interviewed right at the very sight of their rescues looking dirtier and worst for wear than him. He’s seen a couple of interviews at long tables with reporters sitting in chairs in front of a hero like the one he was going to with sweaty and disheveled looking heroes too.

“Dammnit. Okay fine is there any nipple showing?” Haruka asked.

Katsuki spluttered, “No!” He grits out and looked down shiftily.

“Fine, just get here now. I’ll try to convince everyone that you are hardworking and so dedicated that you're willing to come right after a fight.” She said and then hung up.

Katsuki wanted to blast her head off because what was there to convince! That’s literally what’s happening. “Fucking Bitch!’ He yells at his phone and shoves it in his pocket as his hands start to smoke.

“Hey, do you want me to bandage those up?” the chick asks him now from a distance.

“Fuck off.” He tells her and then hesitates. The nail marks went in deep, the path they took is angry red and swollen against his tan skin. He wasn’t sure if the media would take his battle scars as weakness or victory either. “Fuck.”, he exclaimed and gave the chick in front of him a death glare.

“I won’t take long!” She said she stepped forward to grab the wrap from the duffle bag.

Katsuki growled at her to work faster and as the bandage starting to come together on his arm, solid and stark white he’s glad he made this decision. It looks way better than before, he looks more presentable, he thinks and more put together.

“Ground Zero! So glad to catch you before you leave. Are you okay?!” Someone screams from his left. He’s still holding out his arm impatiently, so his arm can get bandaged up and he whips his head at the grating voice.

“The fuck?” He says with a sneer.

A man in a tan suit that’s stiff on his frame and obviously too big for him struts over to where he’s sitting on the police car.

“Ground Zero! Just what kind of villain were you faced with today to leave such foul wounds! The kind that needs to be bandaged up too.” The guy shouts for no reason and tried to shove the heavy looking microphone in Katsuki’s face but redirects at the last second as Katsuki’s free hand crackles dangerously. The reporter clips the side of the chick’s jaw with the solid weight of the microphone and she hisses in pain.

“Hey watch out doofus!” she says and pouts.

Katsuki feels like a caged lion as he growls at the guy fiercely. If Haruka sees him talking to a reporter on the fucking news when he was supposed to be hauling ass to his interview she’s going to fucking kill him. Or annoy him to death. Same thing.

“Woah there! I apologize Ground Zero sir! I didn’t mean to hit your girlfriend.” The guy says with an ugly half-smile, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his face. Katsuki shoots his eyes to the woman next to him who’s been fumbling with her camera and seemed to have finally got it working.

Katsuki gives him an incredulous look and stand to his full height to kill him where he stands.

“Dude! No! you’ve got it wrong. He saved me from some bald wack job like he was supposed to.” The chick says confidently and then loses some of her bravado and she clutches at her arm nervously.

“Yes. That must have been so scary.” The guys says and doesn’t look the least bit sympathetic. “And what did Ground Zero Do? How did he get those marks?” He says and shoves the microphone in her face again. She looks panicked for a moment.

Katsuki huffs and steps in between them. The girl shifts behind him and gives a relieved look. “You’re interrupting the police’s investigation. Leave now before I blow up your fucking face.” He says and glances at the girl with the low ponytail holding the camera. It’s not made for taking video though, so he thinks he’s good.

“Oh!” The guy says and taking a step back. Katsuki could tell from a mile away these are just newbie runts.

“Right.” He says and chuckles awkwardly. He takes a few more steps back and Katsuki turns away from him and turns back to the chick.

“Thanks. Again.” She says and smiles up at him. Her brown hair falls over her shoulder tickles his arm, so he steps away from her. Just as he moves she grabs a hold of his arm gently, so she doesn’t push into his bandaged cuts.

“I never finished securing…” She mumbles as she grabs the limp hanging bandage end and ties it around his bicep, her tongue poking out in concentration. Katsuki lets her finish and straightens himself out. He really really needs to get going. He pushes her a little to the left to get her out of his way so he can blast his way to the interview hall faster. Before he can fully pull his hand back though she grabs his forearm this time and he shoots her a murderous look. “What the fuck do you-“

She springs up on the toes of her shoes and pulls his arm down enough that his face is leveled with hers and then she pecks his fucking cheek.

“Thank you!” She says with a pink flush and lets him go just as fast and takes several steps back.

“You little-” Katsuki says as he hears gasps from around him and he rubs his cheek in shock and disgust. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Woah, this is so great.” He hears the swarmy voice from before and looks back to see that stupid piece of shit reporter and his piece of shit camera girl haven’t completely walked away like he thought and is instead standing a few feet back and smiling wide as clicks shutter again and again from the camera.

“Fuck!” Katsuki says again and his phone starts ringing and vibrating in his pocket. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He repeats as he gets his phone out and answers Haruka the best he can while blasting off with one hand.

He hears a muttered: “Oh no, sorry!” Whined out from that shitty chick with the chapped lips and then a “Ma’am, I need your statement.” From a police officer before he completely leaves.

Fuck this fucking day.


	2. Oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Recently, Hero Deku has challenged you for the number one position.” Someone else says and Katsuki nods along, this question always comes up, it isn’t the first time Deku has challenged him and he has a response prepared. “How do you feel about his constant challenges to you?”  
That makes Katsuki pause, the question was worded a little weird, maybe. He never really thought about how it made him feel. It was usually, them asking his response and his response would be another challenge of sort but he wasn’t prepared for anyone asking about his feelings about it.  
Katsuki purposely doesn’t look at Haruka even though he takes longer than he should answer and he might be panicking a little. “It’s wishful thinking, is what it is.” Is what he says, but he mumbles it out a little more than he means to in his unsurety.

When Katsuki gets to the building Haruka is there meeting him in the lobby, talking a mile a minute and securing bits of his uniform with safety pin’s so it’s showing less skin. Now, it only shows a small strip of skin at his side and the X on his chest is adjusted so it sits in place and covers everything important. He doesn’t really care that much, isn’t one for shyness but he lets Haruka fuss over it all the way from the lobby to the interview room. As soon as he gets there he’s met with more people than he knows what to do with.

“You’ll be fine, take a breath and take all the time you need to answer.” Haruka whispers to him and she pushes on his shoulders to get him to sit on the chair they have placed for him that’s sitting behind a long cheap looking table.

His shoulders settle a little after the reporters calm their frenzy of question’s at Haruka’s glare and the securities presence at his side. He crosses his arms and shoots eye daggers at the stupid security at his side when he gets a little too close, as unnecessary as he had thought they were at first, it really was easier to let them deal with things instead of him getting involved. Especially because if it was up to him he would blast any one of these snotty reporters whenever they got too close.

He sit’s there and waits for Haruka to pick someone to ask a question, much preferring to just let everyone else work to det it up while he calmed his nerves.

“Thank you all for coming! If you could please ask your question clearly and one at a time please. Ma’am , you there, you can start.” Haruka say’s politely and takes a step back to signal the start of the meeting and the end of her interference. Unless she’s needed she thinks it looks better to let Katsuki take charge of these meetings now that he’s a little more familiar and trained on how they work.

“Thank you. Ground Zero, it’s a pleasure to meet you! May I ask why you are bandaged up?” She asks him and reaches both her hand’s forward that’s holding a rectangle shaped device in her hand.

“Just a few scratches I got from some loser with a nail lengthening quirk. He tried to mug some chick and I stopped him while on patrol just before coming here.” He tells her and then slouches a little in his seat when he remembers that stupid chick kissing his cheek, and that stupid guy and his stupid friend that took pictures of the whole thing. He really should have told Haruka before this whole thing started because he has no doubt it’s going to be the center of attention the second it gets released. Which he’s willing to bet will be soon.

“Oh wow!” the girl says and then steps back as another reporter shoves his way to the front to ask his question.

“Ground Zero! Is the fact that you’re still catching petty criminals mean that your rise in hero rankings didn’t really change anything?” a young-looking guy asks.

Katsuki blanches and makes to stand up until he feels Haruka’s hand on his shoulder and her nails digging into his skin.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He asks the guy with a snarl. His neck sticks out like if that guy was only close enough Katsuki would clamp his teeth over his fucking head and tear away. Katsuki deep breathes for a second and focuses on Haruka’s grounding hand. “I’m a fucking hero, I help whoever needs fucking helping.” He replies and clenches his fists from under his crossed arms.

“Y-yes of course…” The guy says and steps back timidly.

“Ground Zero, Sir! Just how are your feelings about recently breaking through the ranks and making it in the top ten?” Asks someone else from a little to the left side and back.

That question Katsuki could handle. In fact, it made his face relax a little. “It should be expected, but I’m not gonna be satisfied until I’m number one.” He says and shrugs Haruka’s hand off him. He’s starting to feel calmer now.

“It’s really quite a feat! It has only been five years since you graduated.” The reporter says and Katsuki grunts.

A wash of voices make his nose twist and it takes a minute until everyone quiet’s down enough that one person can talk without getting interrupted.

“Recently, Hero Deku has challenged you for the number one position.” Someone else says and Katsuki nods along, this question always comes up, it isn’t the first time Deku has challenged him and he has a response prepared. “How do you feel about his constant challenges to you?”

That makes Katsuki pause, the question was worded a little weird, maybe. He never really thought about how it made him feel. It was usually, them asking his response and his response would be another challenge of sort but he wasn’t prepared for anyone asking about his feelings about it.

Katsuki purposely doesn’t look at Haruka even though he takes longer than he should to answer and he might be panicking a little. “It’s wishful thinking, is what it is.” Is what he says, but he mumbles it out a little more than he means to in his unsurety.

“Wishful thinking? Ah but Ground Zero Sir, Hero Deku has also raised to the top incredibly fast. In fact, he has reached the number thirteen spot shortly after your breakthrough. How do you feel now that he’s right behind you?” The same guy says and Haruka snaps at him that there’s only one question per person. But it’s too late, it’s already been asked, and he can’t pretend he didn’t hear it. It would be cowardly.

Fuck, he knows exactly what he needs to say, what to say to make people like him. What’s going to make him look more mature and reliable, Haruka said that simple and to the point would be the best because anything too extra would just sound fake. Katsuki doesn’t even think he can get the words they rehearsed out. Even as the words float at the forefront of his mind his mouth has other plans

“And he’s going to stay right behind me. I’m not gonna let anyone get in the way of my goals.” Katsuki says as steadily as he can manage and doesn’t dare look back to see Haruka’s face. Truthfully this whole thing has been shaking him up more than he cares to let on. It’s one thing to think it in the back of his head, to acknowledge that Deku could very well surpass him any time in the next couple months. But it’s a whole other story once other people start to recognize it too. It means he’s running out of time. It means Katsuki needs to go a hundred times harder, no, a thousand times harder.

Katsuki is already thinking about all the lifestyle changes he needs to make, his workout routine, his gym schedule, his combat training and quirk control. Everything has a solution, if he can just manage to survive on maybe five hours of sleep then he put some real work in. He can make it to top five by the beginning of next year . If he can just-

“- In the picture?” A voice asks with a questioning lilt.

“Hah?”, Katsuki says and blinks as his head clears and he looks at the man at the front of the group. He looks a little scared, but he’s staring at Katsuki like he wont accept silence as an answer.

“Ah, That- We are almost ready to wrap up so-“Haruka stutters and Katsuki flicks his eyes around in confusion.

“Ground Zero? Just, if you would answer this last question please?” The man repeats and Katsuki is ready to chew him out because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. But then his eyes zero in on the man’s phone. He’s holding it high and has the screen facing Katsuki and he just knows without even having to look closer what it is.

He really thought he had more time, a couple of days, at the very least.

“Oh.”, he says uncharacteristically soft and then his cheek’s start to heat up and burn in the place that the chick touched. He hates it so much he tries to cover it up with a glare. “She’s the one I helped earlier.” He tries to be nonchalant about it but it doesn’t seem to work. Everyone explodes into a chorus of question’s and Katsuki wants to blast them all to hell.

This is probably bad, he realizes. Because the public knows, they have been following his progress since he first made his debut and they all know just how strict he is about personal space. About how closed off he is and that dating is off the table, being too focused on becoming the number one hero.

He growls and moves to stand up as Haruka yells over everyone to tell them that the interview is over and to make room so Ground Zero can leave.

Katsuki blows out a long breath and rubs at his neck, he just wants to go home and pretend that Haruka isn’t going to give him shit about this disaster of a interview that was originally set up to help his image.

Once they get to the car he rolls his eyes and crosses his arm in preparation for the fight. When the only thing that happens is furious typing on her phone and a distinct lack of the F word, Katsuki starts to get suspicious.

“So.”, Haruka starts, “Did she pull a fast one on ya?” She says knowingly and smirks without even having the audacity to look at him in his eyes.

“Shut up.” He grumbles, but his heart isn’t in it. He leans his head on the window and tries not to feel like there’s still a storm coming. Haruka has a history, okay?

“Katsuki actually letting someone getting close enough to touch?”, She wonder’s and swipes her thumb repeatedly across her phone. The thumb hovers over the screen for a minute. “Wow…And lets them take care of him in a vulnerable state? I have to meet her.”

“Shut the fuck up I don’t even know who she is!” He argues.

Haruka sighs and seems to drop her playful smile. “Okay I get it, but your fans and anti-fans won’t. This will be all anyone can talk about. I mean, this is only a big deal because it’s you, you know.” She says accusingly.

Katsuki hit’s his head on the glass once, hoping to forget this day even happened. “Whatever, it’s not a big deal.” He tries and then remembers that his image is still, impossibly being molded and he needs to do everything he can to help this boost him to the top. This is an area he is lacking in after all, so he has to try twice as hard to see results, that was the point of this and he’s ruined it.

“What do you want me to do?” He grates out.

Haruka, terrifyingly, smiles. “Milk it.” She says, and then hands her phone over to him so he can scroll through the photos himself. “Whoever posted these literally uploaded them on twitter of all things, probably because they weren’t given the time of day at an actual news station. So not only is it spreading twice as fast, but people have had time to come up with twice as many assumptions. So, the best thing to do now would be to let people talk. Let them make rumors and spread them and debate.”

“Is this the whole, press is press, good or bad thing?” He asks in a disgusted voice. Katsuki’s palms tingle as he looks at the pictures. One had him leaning against the police car with the chicks’ hand on his arm and from the angle it looks like she’s standing in between his legs, so close that they’re breathing the same air.

The second pictures is much more shaky but it has Katsuki with a hand thrown behind him and the chick peeking over his shoulder as if he’s trying to protect her. He frowns and sucks his teeth as the last two come up. It looks more far away now but it’s the most damning. It shows Katsuki as if he’s leaning down, his eyes obscured by his fringe and his jaw defined and jutted out and the dumb chicks face covers half of his as she kisses his cheek. It doesn’t look friendly and it doesn’t look like she’s just kissing his cheek. It looks far too intimate and his face lights up in anger and frustration.

“Basically, but we want to be able to create some mystery about you. Don’t worry, we’ll let you clear things up at the end. For now, I don’t want you to make any direct statement’s about it.” Haruka tells him and basically pushes him out of the car when it stops at his doorstep. The car squeals off before Katsuki has a chance to steady himself. “Motherfucker.” He mutters and shoves his way inside of his house.

* * *

Katsuki had been at the gym since six o’clock this morning, he was sweaty, exhausted and achy down to his very core. He continued to hit the sand bag again and again, finding that he isn’t hitting hard enough for it to even swing like it was when he first got here. He pulled his earphones out of his ears and bent down to take a drink of his lukewarm water. There’s no point in continuing if he’s not at one hundred percent anymore.

He gulped the rest of his drink down and then went to check the time on his phone.

“Shit…”, he murmured when he saw that it was already ten-thirty and he had at least five missed calls from Haruka, two from Kirishima and several text messages.

Katsuki entered in his password and called Haruka first.

It rang exactly once before Haruka picked up. “Katsuki, where are you?”

“Gym”, He said and grabbed his duffle bag to head back home.

“Your friends are now responding to the pictures from yesterday.”, Haruka said in an amused tone. “You haven’t told them anything?”

“No, haven’t got the chance.”, he replied even though he had no intention of telling them anything in the first place. But if the media is bothering them too he supposes he should explain it to them properly.

“Well I sent them all an email requesting them not to comment on the matter. But that was after Red riot and Deku were already questioned about it.”

Katsuki was surprised at how fast this was getting around and confused at why this was something so interesting to people. Looking back, he does see a lot of shit online about hero’s lives down to the very little details, theories and assumptions about their love lives amongst other things. It wasn’t something Katsuki could ever understand the intrigue to, and it definitely wasn’t anyone’s business, but this is the life he chose.

Katsuki sighed and rubbed his face, he closed his front door behind him and made his way to the bathroom. “They didn’t say anything stupid, did they?” He grumbled as he shuffled his shoes off.

“No, they seemed as confused as everyone else.” Haruka told him.

“Kay, is that it?” Katsuki wanted to know. He couldn’t wait to get in the shower and wash of all of the grimy sweat off of him.

“Yes, I sent you the videos of both Red Riot and Deku.”, she said and then paused ominously. Katsuki waited patiently, because at this point he could tell when she was finished talking and when she had something else to say.

“It’s interesting…But I think we should cut this whole thing shorter than we planned. I’ll set something up so you can make a statement soon . And so you can explain it to your friends.” Haruka said sternly.

“Huh?” He said and started the shower. “What’s interesting about it?”

“Katsuki…” Haruka started off like this was important. “Do you remember…Do you remember Deku’s media mishaps?”

“Why the fuck would I remember that?” Katsuki asked confusedly. He took the phone away from his ear just to glare at it.

“It was just a question.” She grumped, “You’re hopeless…The first one was when he defended you against that troll online that started the whole debate whether or not you were more suited to be a villain than a hero.” Haruka reminded him.

Katsuki sat on the seat of the toilet as he remembered, his brows furrowed as he thought about it. That asshole had the discussion trending and Katsuki was so angry that he could barely eat that whole week. He vaguely remembers Haruka telling him that under no circumstances can he comment on the matter. His silence meant that everyone else kept talking as they pleased. He also recalls how Deku had replied to the guys original tweet and said something about how he was a coward and that Ground Zero is a great hero and to his surprise he thinks Deku even told him to shut up. Katsuki had felt even worse at the time, having to be defended by him and not having a voice himself.

“Okay…” He said, not really getting why this was important.

“His second media uproar was when you guys had that stupid fight on the training field that levelled the area around you.” Haruka said in a voice that sounded like she was scolding him again for it.

Katsuki grinded his teeth but didn’t say anything to it. That was all stupid Deku’s fault that time, it was the first time Katsuki had seen him in person since graduation. Deku had suggested that they start training together, Katsuki wasn’t interested but the way that little nerd had been getting so much attention lately had really started to piss him off. At that point Deku was all the media had talked about, calling him various names like the symbol of peace and hope and it had seemed to boost his confidence tenfold. He walked around like he was some big shot now and Katsuki had no choice but to try to put him in his place. They fought for what felt like hours, sweat dripping down his back and face in startling rivets and Deku’s breathing was scratchy and heavy. He lost, Katsuki ended up losing to Deku that day. Having been punched so hard his vision went white and the next thing he knew he was on the ground with a foot on his sternum and wide green eyes looking at him with an emotion Katsuki couldn’t even begin to parse.

Katsuki bent down to take his socks off as the steam of the shower started to cloud in front of him. He realized that was the last time him and Deku really interacted besides the awkward waves at the friend gatherings. He knows that most of the distance has been on his part, but he had realized something that day. That he just needed to focus on himself, on being the best of the best, the strongest and focusing on building his skill.

“His third scandal was when he challenged you for the number one hero spot, although he’s said it just about every chance he could get since then.” She finished and left the statement to hang in the air.

Katsuki assumed she had a reason for bringing this up but women are never so easy that they just tell you what they mean. You have to decode it like it’s a fucking hieroglyphic. “And then?” He says, because who gives a shit?

“I’ve met Deku several times by now, he’s a really sweet kid.” Haruka compliments and it’s so rare that she says things like that and it’s aimed at Deku of all people.

“Are you trying to piss me off?” He asks her honestly.

She heaves a deep sigh on the other line like Katsuki is the most difficult person she’s ever had to deal with. “It seems that he’s otherwise a kind and level-headed person in general. The only times he shows a different side of himself is when it comes to you. You have a very emotional effect on him, it seems.” She points out softly and then hang’s up like she had any right.

“This Bitch!” Katsuki screams into his bathroom, after a while of heavy breathing he calls her back, if only just to yell at her and then hang up to get the last laugh. She predictably doesn’t answer and Katsuki almost throws his phone at the wall. He gets undressed completely and goes to shuffle through his playlist for something to listen to while he showers. He see’s all his notification’s and pulls up Haruka’s text messages first. It’s the videos she said she sent of Kirishima and Deku.

Katsuki opens Kirishima’s video and presses play. It’s from some prominent news channel and It looks like they caught Kirishima from his walk home from their agency. He’s still sliding his jacket on as the reporter stops him and asks him what he thinks of Ground Zero’s latest pictures. Kirishima doesn’t know what they’re talking about and they have to show him a picture from someone’s phone.

His eyes widen, and he scratches the back of his neck, he lets out a startled laugh and says, “Wow! That’s…something. But I’m afraid I have no idea, this is the first I’ve heard of it sorry.” He says apologetically. The reporter moves on to asks him about his day of hero work and Kirishima is happy to tell them. The video stops in the middle and Katsuki realizes that Haruka had taken a video of the news on the tv with her phone.

Katsuki decides he’ll call Kirishima after his shower and explain it to him, fuck what Haruka says. He clicks on Deku’s video next and he notices that he’s inside of a building surrounded by reporters and a few other heroes. It must be one of those hero gatherings that Katsuki hates going to where they have useless flyer hand out’s and guest speakers and crime statistics. Deku is wearing a little badge and lanyard that says his hero name on it as it hangs loosely around his neck. He has a plastic water bottle in his hand and he gets up to stand on a little stage in front of a small group. They ask him questions about the safety of the city and how the heroes are planning to improve their relationship with police and so on. Katsuki skips forward until he gets to a frame that looks like Deku is more nervous than earlier.

“Hero Deku, after knowing Ground Zero for what we can assume is a few years, has he ever mentioned anything about his dating life?” A woman asks him from in front of the stage.

“Huh? Oh no, n-nothing like that? We- I think we’re all just really focused on our hero work right now.” Deku says and looks like he’s about to pour sweat.

“So we take it you weren’t aware about the girl from the photos?” Someone else ask’s causing Deku to pause.

“Photos?” He says in confusion and scrunches up his nose as the same reporter fumbles for his iPad in his bag.

The guy walks to the front of the stage and holds it up in front of Deku and Deku gets as close as he can without stepping down, bows his back and just- freezes. As soon as his eyes hit the screen his face goes slack and it looks like he holds his breath.

The reporter seems awkward too as he holds his iPad in front of Deku as he has what looks like a small break in his brain.

Deku doesn’t say anything, it goes on for so long that everyone else is silent as well. He looks like God pressed the pause button on his body and left for the day.

“Oh.”, he says finally, and then swallows so hard his throat bob’s. He straightens himself up and finally looks away from the picture. “I…” He trails off and then runs a hand through his green curls. He gives a short laugh that sounds like he doesn’t actually find anything funny at all and tries again. “I wasn’t aware.”

“Ah, Oh, okay.” The reporter says and steps back to put his iPad away. They ask Deku a few more question’s, which he answers quietly. Katsuki almost clicks out of the video because it seems like that was the only portion that involved him, but he stayed watching until the end. Deku looked a little out of it after that but he answered all the questions and then went back to his seat as another hero went up on the stage to discuss the importance of safe quirk usage in schools. Katsuki’s eyes stayed on Deku as the boy slumped in his seat at the table, leaning his head on his closed fist and looking down at the tiled floor.

Katsuki’s stomach clenched uncomfortably and he clicked out of the video, sent a text to Kirishima asking him if he wanted to grab dinner and then hopped in his shower that had already been running for way too long.


	3. Kacchan, Kacchan

“Bro! It’s been a while!” Kirishima bellows with an impressively toothy smile. Katsuki juts his chin out and forward in a subtle greeting and takes the seat across from Kirishima at the table. The music in the bar is too loud but it seems Kirishima has already ordered them some drinks so Katsuki doesn’t complain just yet.

“I saw you a week ago.” Katsuki points out and takes several gulps from the beer bottle in front of him.

“Huh? You mean when you were clocking in and I was clocking out?! Dude that barely counts! You’ve been working too much lately.” Kirishima pouts a little and pushes a basket full of greasy chips at Katsuki.

“The hell?” Katsuki says, he doesn’t understand how people can say that to him like it’s an insult. What’s the point of being a hero if he doesn’t work as hard as he possibly can? “What’s your point? That’s what I’m trying to do. It won’t be long before I become the number one hero and then you guys won’t be complaining then, only crying.”

“Haha! We won’t be crying bro! we’d be proud of you! I know I already told you but it’s seriously awesome that you’re in the top ten now!” Kirishima beams at him as bits of chips fly in every direction as he chews wildly.

Katsuki grumbles a little and takes calm sips of his beer in contrast to Kirishima’s messiness. He still isn’t used to compliments, doesn’t know how to give or receive them despite his growth. 

“Oh yea, hey… Uh, so what’s the deal with that brown-haired girl everyone’s talking about? Everyone else is wondering you know?” Kirishima asks him hesitantly and then proceeds to not break eye contact until Katsuki answers him.

“Fuck, that bitch? She just did that on her own! And those shitty low-grade journalists or whatever just happened to be there. It’s a real pain.” Katsuki said and slammed his finished beer on the table.

Kirishima frowned but waves the waitress over and ordered them two more. “Oh…I guess that makes more sense. Still, I’m surprised you let her get close enough. Actually! I'm surprised you didn’t blast her away as soon as she touched you.”.

That’s…more or less what Haruka had said too. That she was surprised that Katsuki would ever allow that. He’s a little miffed though, both because he’s really not sure how she had lowered his defenses so much so that she was able to just pull him down into that, and also because they would think that he would injure a civilian. Katsuki’s mouth twists, he knows how he is about personal space and he knows how he is when people piss him off but he had thought that with all the work he put into his anger management that they would recognize that he would never hurt a civilian like that. Well, nothing more than a well controlled spark at most. Maybe a low-level pop, damn, that chick really pissed him off.

“Fuck you! I wouldn’t hurt some weak ass chick! And I was in a hurry, she really took her shot when it was most convenient huh? Damnit, she really does deserve a lesson.” Katsuki ground out as sparks emit from his hands, when patrons started to stare from all over the bar Kirishima laughed nervously and grabbed Katsuki’s hand to put his own still full beer to his friends hot palm, quelling the sparks.

“Ah, I get it Bakugou, I get it!” Kirishima placated him. After a second of watching Katsuki slam that beer too he rubbed his mouth and hummed, seemingly considering something. “You know…You should probably let everyone know it was just a misunderstanding.”

“I’m fucking going to”, Katsuki snarled, “Haruka said that by tomorrow I can make a statement about it.”

“Good, that’s good. Ah…It seems like Midoriya was pretty shocked about it…” Kirishima said and then wouldn’t look Katsuki in the eyes.

Katsuki let out a small growl and stuttered on his next words, “I-So- what of it?” He asked and slouched back in his seat. He didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do about it. Or what he should say, or why it even mattered.

“It’s just that…well…he must be hurt that you didn’t tell him?” Kirishima said at the end with a questioning pitch like that wasn’t really what he wanted to say.

“Why would I tell him anything? We don’t exactly talk much.”, Katsuki admitted with a frown.

“Yea, yea I know. That’s…actually, something I wanted to ask you. What’s up with that? I mean, at the end of high school it really seemed like you two had started to get along. Well, no, get along is a little- but you seemed to understand each other. You worked well when you were around each other! Like a team. And it always seemed like you guys enjoyed fighting side by side too and then after graduating you guys just stopped. Like a complete cut-off. It was unexpected for the rest of us.”. Kirishima said all in a rush like he had been meaning to say it for a long time now.

Katsuki blinked, surprised at Kirishima’s boldness. Katsuki felt anger bubble in his gut, familiar but not at all easy to fall back into. Because this particular brand of anger is so distinct and so ugly and it’s always, always connected to Deku. But he looks at Kirishima who looks both concerned and sad for him, as well as nervous that he’s going to get in trouble for speaking his mind. And Katsuki respect’s Kirishima, he always knows what he’s thinking and he trust’s him. The guy is so honest and reliable it’s hard to handle sometimes. But Katsuki considers him a good friend now. He should try to reciprocate some of the openness.

“He-He asked me…” Katsuki starts, he’s getting an awful feeling in his chest. Tight and filled with sludge as he dredges up the memory. “At the end, right before graduation, he told me he wanted us to be hero partners, or whatever.” Katsuki continued and stuffed his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t fidget.

“He-He what?!” Kirishima shouted and slammed his hands on the table. He looked around and mumbled apologies as he scooted closer to the table and whisper-shouted at Katsuki. “Midoriya asked you to be a Hero-Duo with him?!”

“Yea.” Katsuki said and stuck his lips out in a feint of annoyance. “Said something about wanting to fight villains side by side. That we could win to save and save to win.”

“What?! That’s crazy! I mean can you imagine? That would’ve been so awesome! It would’ve…It would’ve been. What-What did you say?” Kirishima asked in a downcast tone. His eyes flicked across Katsuki’s face and he bit his lip in preparation for the answer.

“Hah? Obviously, I said to hell with that. I’m going to be the number one hero. Why the fuck would I let him get in my way?” Katsuki folded his arms. He didn’t regret his decision not one bit. He’s in this to win, he wants to reach his goal with his own power.

“and you couldn’t reach that goal with him?” Kirishima suggested naively.

“No, I don’t fucking need him for that.”, he says, and then more quietly, “It wouldn’t be the same.”

“Ah, Bakubro, I really do feel bad for Midoriya sometimes.”

For some reason that raised Katsuki’s hackles. “Why the fuck would you feel sorry for him? Fucking Symbol of Hope, tch, he doesn’t need anything like that.” Why would All Might’s fucking successor need to be pitied? Bullshit.

Kirishima folded his hands on the table and waited until Katsuki looked him in the eyes. “It’s just that…How long are you gonna keep fighting Midoriya anyways?”

“What?”, Katsuki said. Because he really doesn’t think he’s fighting with him anymore. In fact, since their fight after graduation at the training grounds he has made it a point to make his motivation centered around himself winning and not about beating anyone specifically except the villains.

“Bakugou, Midoriya, he really admires you.” Kirishima tells him sincerely. Like it fucking matters at all what that little shit thinks of him.

“What’s your point? He’s just a nerd for heroes.” Katsuki explains. He wants to leave already before he grabs Kirishima by his shirt and throws him across the room.

“I know but…”

“Screw this, I’m outta here.” Katsuki yells and slams his fists on the table before he gets out of his chair. In his haste to get the fuck out of there he opens his wallet and throws what is probably a fifty-dollar bill on the table and storms out to the shouts of Kirishima.

* * *

Once Katsuki get’s outside and is hit with the chill of the air and his nose is filled with the sweet scent of the damp pavement from a light rain, he feels better. Not great though, ever since Katsuki reached the top ten in the ranking’s and then Deku was right behind him not more than two weeks later, Katsuki has been on edge. He hasn’t been himself. Doubt and self-pity isn’t really like him but it doesn’t stop the bundle of nerves that knot themselves in his stomach, in his chest , in his hands and fingers every time Deku claws his way back into the forefront of his life time and time again.

Katsuki blast a little rock in front of him and it skips about a yard away. He sticks his hands back in his pockets and tips his head back as he walks, not sure where he’s going but knowing that going back to his apartment is a surefire way to a restless sleep and maybe even a torched living room.

Katsuki just can’t understand why everyone treats Deku like he’s some kind of fucking precious being that needs to be worshipped or coddled. How can they see him as innocent when he’s always trying to take what little Katsuki has? No matter what he’s always trying to beat him, to take what’s his and shove his way into whatever it is Katsuki has in his grasp like it was his from the start, like he had the idea first. And then the pretends like that was never the case, like Katsuki is some monster and he’s a sweet little child with pure intentions. He hates it, hates Deku, even though he knows now that this hate isn’t for Deku but rather he hates how Deku makes him feel. Like he’s fragile, like he’s weak and- and useless…

Which he doesn’t know if that’s karma or Katsuki playing himself at his own game. 

None the less saying he hates Deku just makes things easier, makes him feel better, the excuse he had when he was younger was simple; he didn’t know. He thought all this rage meant he hated Deku. Now he knows better, which doesn’t help him in the least. He still doesn’t know what to do with it, how to quell these feelings of inferiority.

Except to reach his goal, which would mean to beat Deku too. So that’s what he’s doing. That’s how he’s handling it.

Katsuki rubs at his sore shoulder, he thinks he pulled something in the tendon from his neck and left shoulder while in the gym earlier.

Just then his phones starts to ring in the sound of a blaring horn and he reaches for it so fast his shoulder twinges.

“Hello?”

“Ground Zero? This is Yamada. Do you think you can come in for an extra patrol shift tonight? “

“Yea sure, is anything going on?” Katsuki asks, if there are any fights he want’s in on it.

“Well we have been getting calls about suspicious activities around your patrol route and a couple other heroes’ too. We’ve already put out two random fire’s but nothing serious and no one was injured. It might be a false alarm, but we must stay vigilant,”

“Got it, I’ll be in soon.” He says and hangs up before Yamada can answer.

Katsuki is jogging to his agency building since it’s not too far from the spot he ended up at. By the time he gets there and has his hero suit on he’s already picked up an energy drink and is scouting nearby alleyways for anything weird going on.

So far all Katsuki has found was a stray cat that was entirely too fat to not have a home, in fact he’s willing to bet it has several homes- and a group of teenager’s that are shouting and giggling too loudly but otherwise seem to be staying out of trouble.

Katsuki sighs and throws away his energy drink can in the bin.

“Hello? this is Manacle, I’m at the park on the North side of Kaji, requesting backup.” Katsuki’s comm crackles to life and he’s on the move before he even answers back.

“Ground Zero. On my way. What’s going on?” He asks because he feels like Manacle should have started with that. Nothing happens for a while and Katsuki has a chance to be concerned before it blares to life again.

“Two villains, they haven’t seen me yet. They’re doing something weird. I can’t tell- but- It looks like some kind of vortex. Right in the middle of the park, already sucked up a hero.” Manacle says with a heavy pain in his voice. “I couldn’t- She was gone so fast. Sorry I don’t know her name, but I know she works for the First Defense Agency.”

Shit, that doesn’t sound good. Quirks that can make people disappear within seconds means they might need more than just them as much as he hates to admit it.

Katsuki gets to the end of the street where he knows the park is on the left bend. He slows his breathing down and peeks around the corner, he see’s an incredibly tall man, skinny with long arms and long finger’s and he’s holding both hands out and sweating as he works to presumably keep the swirling vortex open. It’s pitch black with twirls of gray, looking like a black hole and Katsuki clenches his fist. The him of a couple years ago would’ve charged in without a plan, just his strength and fighting technique. The him now, still wants to do just that.

Katsuki grinds his teeth together hard as he watches screaming civilians run away. As long as no one else gets hurt Katsuki will wait until he see’s an opening, until they have more backup.

“It’s not working!” Says the tall villain, he’s pale and it looks like he’s struggling to keep the vortex there.

“Keep going! , Say’s a female villain to his right. She has bright teal hair and she’s staring at the opening with wide, expectant eyes. When nothing happens, she growls animialistically in her partner’s direction as if everything is his fault. “You said this would work! Why isn’t anything happening?!” She demands and pulls at her hair in distraught.

“I don’t know! Something feel’s different this time. I don’t think…I don’t think this is the right one.”

“What?!”, The woman screeches and makes a motion like she’s about to strangle him. She stops when she realizes that would obviously break his concentration. “What do you mean not the right one?!”

“I don’t know! I really don’t know! But usually, I can-I can feel it. Like a chord to an instrument, it would just sound a little different. This-this feels like I picked a different string.” The taller guys say’s urgently.

Katsuki doesn’t know what any of this means, but this guys quirk is nothing to scoff at. He’s trying to put the pieces together, but it could be so many different things. Time travel? Teleportation?

“No! no, no, no, no! How do we find out? Why isn’t it opening to anything? Do something!”, She shouts.

“There’s nothing for me to do! I did what I was supposed to do! It wasn’t meant to be!” he protests but scrunches his face as if he’s trying anyway.

“Don’t say that! Don’t say that! Or I swear I’ll!”, She say’s and then pauses. “How do we know? How can we be sure it’s not there?”

“What? You can clearly see that this is not our destination!” The guy argues and looks affronted that she would even ask.

“But- We need to make sure! What if we’re wrong? I can’t afford to wait a whole year to do this again!” She says frantically and then begins scanning the park with her eyes.

Katsuki steps out from around the corner and heads their way as soon as he seess what she sees. A small boy, around seven or eight years old is hiding behind a bush off to the side. Stupid little kid should have run when he had the chance not take cover!

“You! Come here for a sec!” She says and then makes to grab him from his spot on the ground.

“Alice! This is not a good idea! You never said…” The tall lanky guy pleads with her.

Katsuki blast’s her side before she can drag the boy and he pushes the kid back. “Go. Now.”

“Ah! Who the hell are you?!” 

Katsuki growls back and sends another blast her way as she’s on the floor. To his surprise it doesn’t make it all the way to her, her eyes go sharp and his blast explodes against nothing in front of her and then…disappears like it was absorbed.

Katsuki can focus better on these two villains after Manacle sends his chains flying towards the kid and reals him back. He grins fiercely after the chick screams at Manacle and gets back to her feet. Katsuki send’s a blast towards the guy who’s making the vortex, it seems that whatever he’s doing is going sideways because there is a strong pull of air from where he’s standing and a startling whoosh.

“Alice! I can’t keep holding this!” He says and then screams in horror as Katsuki’s explosions hurtles towards him.

Before it can make it his explosion is intercepted by another barrier. Katsuki growls and turns his attention back to Alice because it’s obvious she’s the one doing it.

Katsuki watches the way her eyes bug out erratically, she’s high strung and angry. The portal is warping in weird way’s, it looks more unstable than it was before, it’s starting to pull in debris from the park and Katsuki digs his feet into the ground and widens his stance.

“Alice!Alice!I can’t- can’t hold it.” The guys forces out and Alice screams an anguished and wrecked sound from the depths of her throat.

“Keep holding it!” She says and then her eyes zero onto Katsuki.

Katsuki’s comm crackles and he hear Deku’s tiny voice emit from his wrist.

“Deku here! Is everyone alright?!”, He says to which Katsuki ignores but hears Manacle reply the situation more or less.

“Kacchan! Are you alright? I’m on my way!” Deku shouts, out of breath as if he’s sprinting his way to Katsuki.

“You’re getting in the way!” Alice accuses him and then makes claws with her hands as they hang at her sides. She looks at the sky above Katsuki and then looks like she’s putting a puzzle together, her eyes flitting to every side of him.

“Like I care.” He says through clenched teeth. He moves to step towards her, but his arms bump into something in front of him. It’s nothing that he can see but there’s definitely a forcefield of sorts. He snarls and thrashes against all sides. He brings his hand above his head, palm up and lets out blast after blast against the top of the shield. All that results in is sparks and fire grazing his skin and the tops of his hair being singed. Katsuki breathes like a bull ready to charge.

“Get me the fuck outta here! Now!”, He demands in a deadly tone.

“Alice, please.” The male villain says and falls to his knees, still somehow keeping the rapidly out of control blackhole alive. A park bench has already gotten sucked in at an alarming speed, right passed Katsuki and disappears into god knows where.

“I, just give me a second. What if- What if this is my only chance?”

“Hurry, please.”

“Got it,” Alice says and looks back at Katsuki with a twisted face. Her eyes go all intense and focused again and then Katsuki is moving. It’s like he’s being pushed from a box. He tries to drag his feet against the earth to stop himself but his feet glide on a smooth surface. He isn’t touching the ground at all. He isn’t touching anything. He’s moving fast towards the warp in the middle of the park and he struggles to do anything to get out of this situation.

“Fuck, What the fuck!” He shouts erratically and lets out so many explosions that the invisible box he’s in gets clouded with smoke and fire. He can’t see anything in front of him now and the only thing he can feel is the pull.

“Kacchan are you okay? Manacle where is he?” Deku asks worriedly.

“I- I’m sorry but I can’t see him anymore. I grabbed the child, the vortex is sucking everything in, so we pulled back to safety.” Manacle informs him apologetically.

There’s deadly silence from the comm like Deku doesn’t know what to say to that.

Katsuki calms himself, blows out a breath as his palms sizzle out. He put both hands out to his side and slowly start to push at the invisible barrier. He applies more pressure when he hears Deku’s voice again.

“Kacchan?”, His voice comes out scared and Katsuki wishes he would shut the hell up so he can concentrate.

“Auggh.” Katsuki’s pained noises progress as he pushes so hard he thinks a blood vessel actually busts in his neck. He keeps going, and when he hears the breathing of that skinny villain. closer than he expected. he adds his bigger explosions come out of his hands pressed against the barrier too.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck you!” Katsuki says as the smoke clears enough for him to see in front of him again. His stomach drops as he sees the stark emptiness of the black hole. God, he’s so close to dropping in it. He’s still moving steadily towards it and he thinks the only reason he’s not completely engulfed like all the other things flying in there is because whatever he’s inside of is heavy, maybe made heavy purposely so that Katsuki doesn’t blast his way out. Someone who can so heavily manipulate their quirk for their benefit is ta dangerous person.

“Ah! Kacchan!” Katsuki hears to his left that tells him Deku is about to see him get fucking tossed into nothingness. The though pisses him off more than he can stand but the real kicker is that Deku is going to try to save him.

“Goddamnit!” He shouts and then jumps so that both his feet are propped up on the barrier as well. Looking like a monkey he screams through a grated throat. His wails are ripped out of him out of pure, heated emotion as Katsuki is engulfed in a black void. It’s the most terrifying thing he’s ever experienced and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to see light again.

Then the walls start to crackle, like splitting glass and Katsuki fights even harder. He shouts his rage like it’s going to give him the added strength he needs, fuck that, fuck losing, he won’t let this Alice girl be the one to do him in when he’s so close to his dreams. He won’t ever lose! Won’t ever give up.

Katsuki feels the released tension when the barrier finally bust’s open hard. He hurtles downwards and he throws his weight as far back as he can so that he just misses the bottom of the void and hits soft grass instead.

Katsuki shoots back to his feet and see’s as Deku jumps in the air to throw a punch to the Alice girl.

“Why, why!?” Alice cries out and looks up in time to see Deku aiming for her.

“—Smash!”, He can hear the end of Deku’s battle cry and his jaw drops as she blocks it. Her shield is up, and the force of the punch throws all three of them back.

The skinny villain lets out a cry of his own and finally collapses. He hits the ground with a thud and his eyes close like he lost consciousness.

“Kota!”, the girl calls out her partner’s name and runs to his side. “You didn’t hold it!” She shouts at him but kneels down to him anyways. “Wake up, come on! We gotta go!”

Katsuki gets his bearings back, his arms and shoulders are deadened weights that threaten to drop him to the ground. He used everything he had to break that barrier but he can’t just do nothing either. He searches the area for Deku and see’s him struggling to his feet too. He must have used a lot of power. That blast was…big.

The girl is encased in a barrier along with that guy, Katsuki can see this one though, It looks like static electricity is enveloping them.

“Okay, Okay.” She says and then her and her friends bodies are lifting up. Floating in the air like a bubble.

“Kacchan are you okay?”

“Idiot! We have to…” Katsuki shouts as he runs to the spot where the villains vacated. He gives Deku a glare and shouts at him that they need to get them. Because Katsuki isn’t selfish anymore. It doesn’t matter who get’s them as long as they capture them they can still win! “We gotta get them!”

Deku makes panicked noise but makes a running start towards Katsuki and jumps high as Katsuki does the same. He uses his big blaster to propel himself higher into the air and he feels a bone in his shoulder crack. Deku launches himself off of Katsuki’s cupped hands and flies towards the villains. His fist crackles and the girl inside gasps.

Katsuki sees her eyes get that laser focused look again. He has a bad feeling about this, her eyes are so confident, they hold intelligence and power and he has a feeling that she has way better control over her quirk than they think. Earlier he was ready to say her quirk was the ability to block things with a shield, now…now he’s not so sure that’s the case, not entirely anyways.

Deku’s green sparks light up the night. “Wait!” Katsuki tries to warn but as soon as Deku’s knuckles make contact with the barrier the two villains inside absolutely soar through the air like a bouncy ball from pavement and across the night sky. They disappear behind grey clouds and Deku drops back down to the grass.

“Oh.” He says and shakes his fist out.

“Fucking idiot…” Katsuki mutter’s, exasperated. But it’s not like he could have known, Katsuki himself only realized it a second earlier. He makes to rubs his head but he winces instead, can’t lift his arms.

“Hah?”, Deku lets out in shock, “What just happened?”. He rubs the back of his head and nervously turns to look at Katsuki.

“Oh, Kacchan are you okay?” He wonder’s and balks when Katsuki turns to leave.

“Wait! Your arms! You’re bleeding…everywhere.” He points out and frets around Katsuki like a fly.

“M’fine.” He manages to get out through his shallow breaths. He’s a big deadweight and his boots suddenly feel like lead.

“Are these from your explosions? Kaachan, Kacchan, wait.” Deku tries with him.

Fuck Katsuki is so fucking annoyed. He’s tired, they let the villains get away and if he even tilts his body one centimeter to the side he see’s stars. He refuses to collapse though because that mean’s his worst nightmare will come true and Deku might try to carry him to recovery girl. And to top it off he keep’s saying Kacchan, Kacchan like there’s anyone else here. As if he has to even specify who the fuck he’s talking to. God it’s making him sick.

“Kacchan I said to wait!” Deku complained and made to grab his wrist. When his fingers brushed against his knuckles Katsuki snapped and reared back as much as he could without making the movement twist. It still fucking hurt and he yelled at Deku.

“Don’t touch me!” He said and clicked his tongue as he saw Deku’s hurt expression.

Deku swallowed and made a hurt noise. “Why are you so stubborn…” He murmured and followed Katsuki in silence.

Once they got closer to the Agency they found Manacle and the boy from earlier next to police cars and ambulances.

People came running over to them and Katsuki ignored them in favor of heading to an empty opened ambulance back and he sat down on the edge. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw recovery girl heading his way.

Katsuki didn’t say a word to Deku the whole time, even though he never left his side once. Shooting Katsuki concerned looks as they cleaned the blood off of him. He made a soft and sad noise at one point though. One that made Katsuki finally look up at him. Katsuki had pushed recovery girl away at one point. Deciding he didn’t need her to heal his smaller injuries and proceeding to disinfect them himself and put big square sticky bandages on them. He struggled to get one on his upper arm closer to his back than his front and he had dropped the bandage.

“Oh here, let me-“ Deku had picked it up and made to put it on him before Katsuki had jolted so hard away from him that he made the ambulance jostle. Deku had stood there for a moment and then made that fucking noise. A noise like he was keeping in a frustrated cry, a weird whine in his throat. It sounded so pitiful that Katsuki dared a look at him.

Deku’s head was downcast and he was biting his lip harshly, his brows furrowed and his nose twitched. His eyes seemed to waver between different emotions.

Katsuki wanted to say something then, a harsh insult or a question, anything really. But so many words got stuck in his throat.

In the end he let the moment pass. Let Deku straighten his back, sniff once and then stay silent has Katsuki patched himself up, talked to the police and his boss and Haruka. He didn’t say anything even as Katsuki got into the car with Haruka and headed home. Katsuki tried so hard not to look into the rear-view mirror. It was like a battle against his darkest demons, and in the end he couldn’t help himself. He looked at the mirrors and saw Deku, his face open but flat as he watched Katsuki drive away in the car.


	4. Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ow Kacchan!” Deku complained as if that wasn’t the very point.   
Katsuki made a satisfied noise and smirked down at Deku. Deku’s glare was narrow and his mouth twisted in a small pout.   
“Stupid Kacchan.” He said through the side of his mouth.  
Katsuki let out a vicious growl and bent his face down lower. “Stupid Deku.” He uttered in his gravelly voice.   
Deku shuddered at that and Katsuki nodded his head once in affirmation. Good, at least he could still somewhat intimidate him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many variations of how I think Deku's and Katsuki's relationship could play out realistically and this story is just ONE route. I'm excited to write more about these two in different situations and different plots. I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know what you think!

“What are you doing here?” Katsuki blinked, trying to see if the image of Deku standing outside his door would fade.

“I came to see if- I came to talk to you.”

Damn, no such luck. Katsuki made to slam the door in his face but Deku grabbed the door with a thick hand and smiled at him with squinted eyes. “Just for a minute yea?” which sounded more like a demand.

Katsuki growled as Deku pushed his door open again and slipped passed Katsuki and into his house. He wanted to throw him out, but he wasn’t even really sure why. They weren’t on bad terms anymore, but they weren’t really what he would call friends. Still, Katsuki had no reason to be as mad as he was, the animosity rolling off of him like the waves of the ocean.

“Ah, this is the first time I’ve been inside!”, Deku said and then slipped off his backpack and set it down by the foot of the couch.

Katsuki’s eye twitched in irritation, the reason Deku’s never been over is because he’s never fucking invited him, the little shit.

“Hah?! Why would you need to?!” Katsuki shouted at him, his rage filled to the brim until it spilled over. “The fuck are you doing at my house anyways!?”

“Kacchan stop yelling already jeez why are you always so loud?!” Deku shouted right back at him. His fists were clenched down at his side and he waved them in agitation.

“The fuck you say to me?!” Katsuki’s vocal cords felt like they had been through a shredder and he felt his eyes go wide as Deku actually threw a pillow at his head.

“Kacchan I didn’t come here to fight!”, Deku insisted even though his right arm might disagree. Deku held both his hands up in surrender when Katsuki’s hands started to spark. “R-really! Ah! Don’t be mad! I’m sorry!” He threw up his hands and then toppled over the back of the couch in his haste to get away from the fuming Katsuki who was wielding the pillow like a murderer would hold an axe.

“No, wait, wait, stop it!” Deku panicked as Katsuki jumped over the back of the couch and proceeded to smother Deku with the pillow. He smushed Deku’s head back into the couch cushions and pressed harder on his face when he heard a muffled laugh.

Deku shouted his disagreement’s through the fabric of the pillow, none of which Katsuki could hear.

“Die, Stupid Deku.” Katsuki said with vehemence as he straddled him more firmly.

“-chan, can’t breathe…”

Deku’s hands sparked with green electricity and he managed to grab Katsuki’s wrists in his own hands and lift until the pillow was no longer suffocating him. He took in gulping gasps of air. His face was red and splotchy as he glared at Katsuki.

“Stop trying to kill me for once!” he scolded Katsuki and then tore the pillow from his hands and threw it across the room.

This enraged Katsuki farther and he struggled with Deku until they both fell off the couch. They flopped over multiple time’s until Katsuki pinned him and was once again sat on top of Deku, He let out a whoosh of air as Katsuki landed on his stomach. Throughout it all Deku still hadn’t let go of Katsuki’s wrists. No matter how hard he pulled them it’s like Deku’s hands were welded to him, his grip never wavering.

“Let. Go!” He leaned down and pushed his forehead against Deku’s and shouted at him until he was sure he would break both of their eardrums.

Deku’s face got redder, he squeezed his eyes shut tight but held on to Katsuki even harder. “No!”, he yelled back.

Katsuki resorted to more angry growling, as he was prone to do when he was too angry to be a proper person. Deku started to push his forehead back against Katsuki’s and he smashed his nose against Deku’s in retaliation.

“Ahhh…Kacchan. S-stop that.” Deku said in an embarrassed voice. He still hadn’t opened his eyes and he was baring his teeth like he was physically hurt by it.

“Give in, Deku.” Katsuki said lowly. Hoping that he would just surrender and Katsuki could then force him to leave.

“N-never.” Deku retorted back. Katsuki pulled his hands back to try to get Deku to release them but Deku held on tight. Katsuki couldn’t see the tale tell signs that he was using his quirk, which meant that Deku was really just stronger than him. Fuck that pissed him off.

Katsuki’s shoulder twinged in reminder of yesterday, his breath was harsh as he put his palms on the floor on either side of Deku’s head. Deku opened his eyes but still didn’t let go.

Slowly, Katsuki lifted his head and snorted at the big red mark he had left on Deku’s forehead.

Katsuki really hated how the action made it seem like he was the one to back down, because he put his hands down. But fuck that, he wasn’t a loser so to prove a point to Deku he scooted his knees in from either side of Deku and slid his thighs to hold onto Deku’s sides tight. He squeezed them together and heard Deku grunt in pain as his waist was crushed.

“Ow Kacchan!” Deku complained as if that wasn’t the very point.

Katsuki made a satisfied noise and smirked down at Deku. Deku’s glare was narrow and his mouth twisted in a small pout.

“Stupid Kacchan.” He said through the side of his mouth.

Katsuki let out a vicious growl and bent his face down lower. “Stupid Deku.” He uttered in his gravelly voice.

Deku shuddered at that and Katsuki nodded his head once in affirmation. Good, at least he could still somewhat intimidate him. 

Deku bit his lip and his eyes softened a tad. His face was still in a frown as his hands that were holding Katsuki’s wrist slid up his corded forearms. He kept his grip firm as they glided up. Deku’s hands stuttered a little when they got to Katsuki’s biceps, his cheeks flushing again, until finally- they came at an odd standstill at the soft skin right between his shoulder and his neck.

Katsuki shifted, uncomfortable with Deku’s hands that felt big and heavy and dangerous to be in such a vulnerable spot. He frowned, unsure what kind of threat this could even be. Deku could have easily went for his throat instead.

Deku’s breathing shifted then, it hitched and Katsuki could hear the quiet gust of it from his nose, it’s slightly faster than normal.

Katsuki felt the atmosphere shift and he felt a foreign emotion in his chest that he could only be deeply uncomfortable with. He was just about to tell Deku to knock it off, to just surrender already when Deku’s fingers dug into the spot where they rested. His thumbs started rubbing little circles and then dug into the flesh and swiped up and down, massaging the muscles there deeply.

“Mmhp.” Katsuki let out a weird sounding grunt and then felt his ears get hot when Deku looked up at him with wide eyes. “Cut it out.”

Deku’s eyes hardened and he paused his movements but didn’t release him.

“Fucking let go already!” Katsuki said in his most intimidating voice. “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“…Just wan’ed to see how you were doin’-“ Deku mumbled and wouldn’t meet Katsuki’s eyes.

“I’m fine! I didn’t need your help yesterday and I don’t need it now.” Katsuki spat his words at him and they seemed to make Deku curl into himself even more.

“Well I just wanted to see.” He said stubbornly

At this point Katsuki couldn’t handle the ridiculousness of it all, he rested his weight on his knees and grabbed Deku’s hands from his shoulders and shoved them off of him.

“You saw I’m fine. Now what?” He questioned, maybe if he was reasonable about this Deku would leave.

Instead, As Katsuki made to get off Deku it seemed to just rile the guy up more.

“How come!” Deku said with a heated stare. “Why is it that you only let me touch you if we’re fighting?” Deku asked him, he was loud but not shouting. His face was red, and his eyes were burning with anger, his mouth was in a twisted snarl and his brows were curved down. The veins in his neck bulged and he looked like he did when Katsuki and him were in the heat of a battle.

Katsuki thought he looked so fucking stupid like that, his dark green hair was wild, and he had a look of righteous fury. Everything about him was mixed emotions and contradictions paired with the most insane words Katsuki has ever heard. What was that even supposed to _mean_?

“What?” Katsuki said in utter confusion. He made to get all the way up but Deku grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him back down onto his knees. This time Katsuki’s butt hit Deku’s lower stomach hard and the boy made a sound like it knocked the air out of him but otherwise did nothing to indicate that it was a big deal.

“How come _I_ can’t?” He insisted like it even made sense.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Katsuki said in irritation and slapped Deku’s hand away from his collar.

The impact made a loud clap and even the back of Katsuki’s hand stung at that one.

As soon as he did it Deku bared his teeth in what looks liked anguish and lay there staring up at Katsuki like he was a monster.

“See! Why, why can _she_ but I can’t?” Deku questioned and to Katsuki’s utter bafflement his eyes started to water.

Katsuki honestly didn’t know what the actual fuck was going on but Deku was saying some pretty crazy things and although no tears had fallen yet Katsuki thinks he’s crying. What was he supposed to do? Was it his fault? No, of course it was. But why? Weren’t they just doing what they always do? Shit, did he go too far? But when? How?

Katsuki was panicking a little, trying and failing to mark the point where this all went from familiar to wrong. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Deku.” He said and gulped. He didn’t know why but he’s never seen Deku cry like this before. So…hurt. Katsuki has seen Deku cry like a baby plenty of times, but it’s never looked so painful, like he was crying because his heart hurt. Like someone broke his heart.

As the tears finally escaped his eyes and trailed from the sides of his cheeks into his hair Deku brings a forearm up to cover his face like that would somehow take back what Katsuki had already seen.

Deku lets out what sounds like possibly a soft sob and it’s so cracked and broken. Katsuki wants it to stop. It’s an awful grating noise and his chest is starting to ach from hearing it.

“Hey, stop that.” Katsuki says softly, he hesitantly reaches forward to grab Deku arms from his face, then he remembers what he said about touching and he stops, unsure about his actions and how they would be received.

“How come? Why is that the only way we can- the only time when you’ll let me?” Deku pushes out through is stilted, held in cries. He takes to rubbing his palms over his face and scrubbing to get rid of the tears.

“I don’t understand.” Katsuki says honestly, He can comprehend the words now, where he didn’t before. But for the life of him he can’t figure out what they’re supposed to mean.

“Uagh, Ka-Kacchan, please g-get off.” Deku hiccups and tries to get up.

Katsuki runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Stop, stay down.”

Deku, uses one hand to push him away while still trying to hide his face in the elbow of his other arm.

“Damnit.” Katsuki wishes for once the little shit would just do what Katsuki tells him. “Stay.” He tells him and plants his butt more firmly on Deku’s stomach. He grabs the hand that’s pushing at his chest and brings it up until it’s resting at the same spot as before. He puts Deku’s broad palm right in the junction between Katsuki’s shoulder and neck, closer to his neck this time- and presses down until Deku goes still under him. “M’ touchin’ you now right? So, sit still.”

Deku lets out a shaky breath and waits. He’s no longer struggling but he’s also not doing much of anything. Just resting there, sniffling every couple of seconds and not pushing into Katsuki or away.

Katsuki realizes at some point that he is going to be the one who actually has to talk for once. Deku would run away and avoid him for a week before coming back smiling and acting like none of it ever happened.

Katsuki thinks back on his words and feels stupid because Deku hasn’t said he wanted Katsuki to touch _him_. He said- well he didn’t but he implied that maybe he wanted to be the one to touch Katsuki.

“Deku.” He tries to get the boy’s attention but he doesn’t even twitch.

“Oi, Deku. Don’t ignore me.” Katsuki says and tries to force the forearm covering Deku’s face. Deku whines at him like a scared little kid.

Katsuki sighs after Deku uses his fucking quirk just to stop him from pulling it away. God Katsuki is so pissed, and annoyed, and confused.

They sit there for another minute and Katsuki starts to get anxious. He hums and thinks of another tactic. He slides his own palm up from Deku’s forearm to the back of his finger’s as they rest on his shoulder. Katsuki feels a little weird doing it, and his heart is beating way too fast but he slots their fingers together so that his hands is cradling Deku’s on his neck.

Deku make a strange sound, he doesn’t really know how to describe it but it makes Katsuki’s face burn. Or maybe it’s the fact that he’s practically holding Deku’s hand.

Katsuki licks his lips and guides Deku’s hand in his until it’s resting at the base of Katsuki’s throat. Now, he’s feeling even more weird, more unsure of himself. And definitely unsettled at the hot feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Deku is still being unusually quiet underneath him. His mouth is open and he’s breathing through it as his chest rises and falls deeply.

Katsuki chews on the inside of his cheek, swipes his thumb back and forth across the back of Deku’s hand as he watches Deku silently and almost calls the whole thing off to lock himself in his room.

But he’s the one who started it, well at least the one who put Deku’s hand there. He can’t back out now, not that he knows what he’s doing at all. Just that he wants to give Deku…something. He’s not sure what, the indecision and the not knowing is enough to give Katsuki a fucking heart attack. He’s used to being in control, of knowing what he wants and getting it.

But…He doesn’t know what this is or what it means other than that he’s grown a lot since middle school and he doesn’t want to see Deku cry. Especially over something he did.

He want’s answer’s too, wants to know what it means that Deku wants to touch him for some unfathomable reason.

And as Katsuki’s hand trembles as he lifts his hand from Deku’s to leave the boys hand to his throat he wonders what it means that he’s only ever craved the eyes of one person. Never knew anything more intense than his pure desire to be seen and heard by him and felt like solid immovable stones had rested in his chest when he realized that that wasn’t the case anymore, that he got left behind and he had felt so alone.

Katsuki isn’t one to pick words over a tussle. He craves the win in everything he does and it feel’s especially good when he’s able to project that through his sweaty palms and his calloused knuckles. He’s always felt his excitement and heated passion overtake him instead of just anger when he fights with Deku, he wonder’s if it’s anything like what Deku feels.

He doesn’t know if it’s the same thing as whatever Deku’s want’s, but he doesn’t think he would hate it if Deku touched him in circumstances that weren’t fight related. It’s just that for so long he’s associated Deku’s touches with that of pity and inferiority. Katsuki’s shoulder’s slump and his back curves as the fight goes out of him. He doesn’t know what he’s been doing all this time trying to avoid Deku. They were in a good place by the end of high school, they had really been on the same wavelength and Katsuki would be shocked at how similar they were sometimes, how their brains operated the same. How they had moved so fluidly together in everything they teamed up on. They were learning and growing and evolving. Katsuki didn’t hate the idea of being his hero partner either…but.

It’s just that he feels like he’s lost to Deku in every battle they’ve ever had. In his mind anyways, feelings translate into losing something to him. And the more he accepted Deku, the more room he made for him , the closer they got….Katsuki had already given Deku what he could handle giving. His, fight, his determination, his respect, his attention, his fears and insecurities, his friendship. He wanted to keep one thing to himself, he doesn’t think it’s bad. He still doesn’t regret his decision, until he gets to the top, until he reaches number one by himself and for himself, he won’t settle to be partner’s with Deku. Not that he would expect Deku to wait for him.

Katsuki hates to be left behind but if Deku moved on from his admiration for Katsuki and decided that he wanted another partner, or that he didn’t want one at all- he would understand. But Katsuki realizes something too, he doesn’t have to distance himself from Deku until he becomes number one. Now that he really takes the time to think about it, it all feels kind of like running away. He’s been too focused on himself and his goals for such a long time that he hasn’t even considered what his actions would mean to Deku, what his sudden absence would imply to him.

Katsuki isn’t a fucking coward, nor is he a loser. And he vowed a while back to improve himself. It’s time for him to stop taking steps backward because he lets Deku get in his head.

Katsuki wants to grow and become even better than he was. And he want’s Deku around to see it. So, he won’t push him away anymore, he’ll try to let him in. Friends, if that’s what Deku wants to be- don’t make friends sad, or cry and maybe- maybe they touch, too. Maybe Deku is one of those people that need physical contact to be reassured. He can progress with Deku while being upfront and steady in his goal.

He wants to try to be gentler, he thinks Deku deserves to be the one to receive that from him most of all. He doesn’t really like the idea of other people touching him, but he has on occasion let it happen. He doesn’t push Kirishima away when he throws and arm over his shoulder and he doesn’t stop Kaminari from jumping on his back and demanding free rides. It doesn’t sound the same, doesn’t sit the same in his stomach when he thinks of Deku touching him. It’s always so much more with Deku, no matter what. Deku is always too much for him. _Katsuki_ is too much when it comes to him. There’s too much emotion and too much yelling and too much cussing and too much , too much, too much. It’s easily overwhelming. It’s probably the reason Katsuki has always avoided it.

Katsuki has known for a while now that if it has to do with Deku, Katsuki can’t help but feel too damn much.

But Deku keeps reaching for him anyways, time and time again. Like it’s instinct to be there watching and waiting and reaching for Katsuki. Maybe it’s about time Katsuki reached for him too.

With that in mind Katsuki feels the calm and confidence of his decision settle within his tense muscles like a breeze on overheated skin.

Katsuki reaches for Deku’s hand on his throat and very carefully, very gently he takes it in one hand and slots their fingers together in an embrace and then takes his other hand and wraps the back of Deku’s hand in it.

Deku’s scarred hand is encased in both of Katsuki’s. He hears another soft crying noise and is momentarily uneasy. “Sorry. ‘S it okay?” He asks quietly.

Deku sniffs from under him and in a shaky voice he replies, “Yea. Sorry, Kacchan. Sorry.”

“What for?” Katsuki huffs out, he thought that his plan to make Deku feel better was a good one but it seems to have caused a mixed reaction from him instead.

“…You don’t have to.”

“I know that! When have I ever done something that…that I didn’t want to do?” Katsuki assures. “Deku, look at me.”

“No way!” Deku insists like he can’t even bare the thought of it.

“Why not?! Stop being so damn difficult.” Katsuki says while still clasping his hand tightly. He wants to grab Deku’s arm and rip it away from his face but he also doesn’t want to let go of his preoccupied hand.

“No, no, no!” Deku screams and shakes his head furiously.

Katsuki growls in frustration and just decides to fucking remove it forcibly. He tries to yank his hand back but Deku grips on it tightly and makes an alarmed noise. He bites his lip and has the audacity to look sheepish even from under his arm.

“Deku.” Katsuki tries reasonably, just about done with his bullshit.

“Kacchan.” Deku argues, like that’s a valid response.

“Deku!” Katsuki shouts has he feels his face redden in anger.

“Ka-Kacchan!”, Deku says and then whines loudly. “Stop yelling.” He insists even though he was yelling too.

“You little brat.” Katsuki grinds out. Then he remembers he’s supposed to be more patient and gentler and that Deku is feeling vulnerable right now so it’s the perfect time to show him he can be kind even if he’d rather just be mean and crass and selfish.

Katsuki says a resolute, “fine”, in his own head and unclenches his jaw again. His face is so hot and he honestly thinks he’s sweating. Katsuki takes one hand away from the cocoon it made for Deku and keeps his other entwined with the boys. He ignores the noise of disagreement coming from the little brat and raises their joined hands slowly, slowly to his lips. He takes a deep breath and then brushes the back of Deku’s hand with his lips.

Deku sucks in a gasp at the barest hint of his lips, Katsuki figures that’s not a bad sign so he rocks Deku’s hand side to side against his dry lips, just barely skimming the fragile skin against his softly parted mouth. Once he assumes Deku’s used to the feeling he presses a firm kiss to the hand and then drops both their hands down to their laps.

“Oh. My. God.” Deku breathes out shakily, he looks like he’s shaking all over actually.

Katsuki feel strangely vulnerable and his lips tingle like tiny explosions on them. They feel unsatiated, like he wants to do it again, but he pushes the feeling aside to try to get his blush under control as Deku’s arm finally comes down from his face. He doesn’t know why it matters when Deku’s face is so bright and red that it even spreads down his neck and beneath the collar of his shirt.

The tingle spreads down his mouth to his throat were Deku touched, his shoulders, his arms that were caressed, his hands and- and to his thighs that squeeze Deku’s side. His pelvis and bottom that meet’s Deku’s own.

Katsuki’s eyes widen and panic wells within him when Deku shifts on his place on the ground, like he’s trying to get his body away from Katsuki but he doesn’t want to actually get up.

“Is that okay for today?” Katsuki asks him. Because he doesn’t think just one time will be enough, he’s not planning to stop here. But this is probably all he can handle for now, both of them most likely.

“I-…” Deku starts and then stops, he tries a couple more times and fails to say anything, looks ready to hide again.

Katsuki grabs his arm and stands up fast before he has the chance to put them back in square one. Deku seems disoriented by the change but goes along easily enough.

“I’m fine. No need to worry about me, I can handle myself.” Katsuki sternly reminds him then starts pushing his back until he’s at the front door, scooping up his backpack on the way and shoving it into his stunned arms. “Just text me next time, no need for the trip.” He says and knows without a doubt that Deku still has his number. Katsuki has his too, although he’s never once used it.

“Right…” Deku says and still looks like he hit his head, passed out and is in anywhere but Kansas.

“Bye.” Katsuki says obviously and then after a moment debate he pulls Deku into a hug by grabbing the base of his skull and pulling his head forward into Katsuki’s shoulder. It’s not the sweetest of hugs, Katsuki thinks it feels pretty manly. Well, it did before Deku wrapped both his arms around Katsuki’s middle like he wasn’t ever going to get the chance again, well, he might’ve really believed that thought so he can’t really blame him.

Deku buries his face in Katsuki’s shoulder, his back hunched a little because he’s grown in these past couple years- and takes a long, heady inhale.

Every hair on Katsuki’s body stands up and he gets a quivery feeling that he can’t decide is disgust or surprise.

Katsuki pats his back a couple time’s in reassurance that the weird sniffing thing was again, definitely-weird, but it wasn’t enough for him to push him away.

Well, not for that reason anyways. Katsuki pushes Deku back with both hands on his shoulders and keep’s him at a distance. He takes a step back into his apartment and gives Deku a wave and a. “Later, loser.” And slams the door in his face so that Katsuki can finally, finally, freak out in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kacchan is having a hard time right now lol. There will be more about Deku in the next chapter. this may or may not be a slow burn depending on how impatient I get.  
Feel free to point out any inconsistencies.  
Comments appreciated. Love you all BakuDeku shippers!


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